That Thought Wasn't Mine and it's Probably Not Yours

April 29, 2020
Read Time: 6:25

Hello there! Thank you so much for your time and attention! 

So, this narrative is going to be different than they have been in the past. It’s going to be more of a story instead of a “how to”. And though it’s a 30 year story, I’ll try to keep it as short, yet informative, as possible.

I was just remarking to my mom the other day that I have had a pretty easy and blessed life. Sure, I’ve faced some adversity, parents divorced, have lost some friends and family along the way, landed in the hospital with meningitis, hit by a car (which was actually comical on the video footage), suffered some heartbreak and setbacks, etc. But truly feel it’s been nothing extraordinarily difficult. 

Same can be said for my professional life. Set out to become a bodyguard, and completed that goal at the tender age of 22. However, not understanding, at the time, what it takes to excel, I did not continue to pursue it for someone who would want to remain consistently in the industry as a career. I felt it had come easy and would continue too (naivete at it’s finest). Also, I was not what you would call a patient person. So club security is what I turned to.

It was a job that allowed for a steady paycheck and the potential for promotion, which I did a couple times for a couple of employers. Which, I felt good about. But again, not really being patient, that led me to other avenues of work and income.

That was about the time Red Carpet VIP came into view. Now, I’m not going to get into my intermittent but enjoyable time with RCVIP. But to make it short, I progressed from making sales calls and hosting to being the director of business development and hosting by the time I left for good.So...progress. But not necessarily what I was looking for. 

I then followed some other career paths, or if we’re being honest, just jobs. I could never quite figure out where I fit. Now, many know me from the protection industry, which I am insanely happy to be part of as a cheerleader, ambassador, marketer, promoter and protection specialist. Have gotten plenty of work over the last few years based on my ability to network, be likeable and competent at the work.

But again, never quite fit in as a full-time employee. Couldn’t figure it out. Which was tough.

I find myself in Southern California selling cars, and for someone who is not crazy about sales, it is an awful profession in an even worse industry (personal opinion here. It’s based on what makes me, me. If you love it, that’s awesome and I am stoked for you. VERY bad fit for me). However, definitely could’ve been the leadership (but see more below). 

But then, I find myself working with a life purpose coach. And to fast forward this, one session in particular we discovered that I had some debilitating self-limiting beliefs. Not even sure I understood what that was before I realized it about myself...and that was the switch! 

And once I discovered that, and had some time to think on it, the entire 30 years prior began to really make sense. I discovered that I wasn’t actually impatient. Nor did I really dislike sales. Nor did I necessarily not fit in. 

What was actually happening was I was self-sabotaging my career by refusing to progress because of the challenge that came with growth. I’d blame it on the bosses (though some were more challenging than others) or the system or pay. But with my new perspective, I identified the culprit. Not me. Them. But actually... Not them. Me.

And when it came to sales, it’s not that I didn’t like it, it’s that I just didn’t believe in the product or service I was selling. I’d blame it on the price or no one wants it or the bosses. Not me. Them. But actually... Not them. Me.

My confidence would come and go. And when it “went” that was a tough hill to climb back up. 

What I discovered, or better said remembered, in that coaching session was when I was about nine years old, I had someone influential and an authority over me asked me point blank “are you stupid?” (Not a parent or family member, just to be clear) And from that moment on, any challenge that came my way that was beginning to get out of my comfort zone, I simply gave up. 

The reason (meaning my thought process) for this was... if it was challenging, I didn’t know how to do it. And I couldn’t ask because that was admitting I didn’t know how to do it and if I didn’t know how to do it I must be…(you guessed it)...stupid. And I didn’t want to deal with that. 

And for the next 30+ years, I did not play to my potential nor did I try as hard as I could have. It is a shocking thing to realize. However, once realized, my coach spent about three minutes on it. It culminated in her asking me this “ARE you stupid?” I said “No” she said “No. You’re not. Moving on…” And that was the end of that. 

In the past 2 years, I have made more progress in my life as a whole than those 30 years. It’s not to say that I don’t value those years and didn’t learn from them. But the rut I was in has become a thing of the past. Without my coach to guide me in reframing my thinking, that rut MIGHT have lasted the rest of my life. With a small question and the wisdom to discard that mental poison on the spot she showed me the way to a new confidence and a new outlook toward the future.


Since the discovery, I have become a coach, become licensed to sell life insurance, started and operate a networking group, written a networking 101 course, started writing articles (some by request) for LinkedIn and others, posted more videos and remained active on social media, left a job that was allowing to choke the life out of me, walked into a manager spot then helped to promote a manager to replace me at another job, found the love of my life (and moved to Ohio for her and US!), trained to be a federal contract security officer and poured my story out onto another LinkedIn article so others might understand what is possible to do once they’ve dug deep to really understand themselves. 

BUT MAINLY, IT HAS TO BE UNDERSTOOD THAT YOU DID NOT, NOR I, PUT THOSE SELF-LIMITING THOUGHTS IN OUR HEADS. SOMEONE ELSE, UNINTENTIONALLY OR NOT, DID THAT. YOU ARE MORE THAN THEY SAY YOU ARE. WE DID NOT PUT THEM THERE BUT IT IS NOW OUR CHOICE TO LEAVE THEM THERE. IT IS OUR CHOICE IF WE WANT TO ALLOW SOME OFF THE CUFF COMMENT BY SOMEONE ELSE TO DICTATE THE REST OF OUR LIVES. I HAVE LET GO OF IT. SO CAN YOU! AND WE CAN ALL SUCCEED TOGETHER! 

Like I said, I’ve had an easy life. And who knows where it could’ve gone without that experience. However, I do feel like I’m exactly where I should be and much more appreciative of the work that’s been done recently. And maybe I never meet Gina...can’t imagine that. 

THAT is why I became a coach.

If you have a similar story or think maybe you are not living to your full potential, I would love to support you in whatever way I can. Please reach out.