April 29, 2020
Read Time: 6:25
Hello there! Thank you so much for your time and attention!
So, this narrative is going to be different than they have been in the past. It’s going to be more of a story instead of a “how to”. And though it’s a 30 year story, I’ll try to keep it as short, yet informative, as possible.
I was just remarking to my mom the other day that I have had a pretty easy and blessed life. Sure, I’ve faced some adversity, parents divorced, have lost some friends and family along the way, landed in the hospital with meningitis, hit by a car (which was actually comical on the video footage), suffered some heartbreak and setbacks, etc. But truly feel it’s been nothing extraordinarily difficult.
Same can be said for my professional life. Set out to become a bodyguard, and completed that goal at the tender age of 22. However, not understanding, at the time, what it takes to excel, I did not continue to pursue it for someone who would want to remain consistently in the industry as a career. I felt it had come easy and would continue too (naivete at it’s finest). Also, I was not what you would call a patient person. So club security is what I turned to.
It was a job that allowed for a steady paycheck and the potential for promotion, which I did a couple times for a couple of employers. Which, I felt good about. But again, not really being patient, that led me to other avenues of work and income.
That was about the time Red Carpet VIP came into view. Now, I’m not going to get into my intermittent but enjoyable time with RCVIP. But to make it short, I progressed from making sales calls and hosting to being the director of business development and hosting by the time I left for good.So...progress. But not necessarily what I was looking for.
I then followed some other career paths, or if we’re being honest, just jobs. I could never quite figure out where I fit. Now, many know me from the protection industry, which I am insanely happy to be part of as a cheerleader, ambassador, marketer, promoter and protection specialist. Have gotten plenty of work over the last few years based on my ability to network, be likeable and competent at the work.
But again, never quite fit in as a full-time employee. Couldn’t figure it out. Which was tough.
I find myself in Southern California selling cars, and for someone who is not crazy about sales, it is an awful profession in an even worse industry (personal opinion here. It’s based on what makes me, me. If you love it, that’s awesome and I am stoked for you. VERY bad fit for me). However, definitely could’ve been the leadership (but see more below).
But then, I find myself working with a life purpose coach. And to fast forward this, one session in particular we discovered that I had some debilitating self-limiting beliefs. Not even sure I understood what that was before I realized it about myself...and that was the switch!
And once I discovered that, and had some time to think on it, the entire 30 years prior began to really make sense. I discovered that I wasn’t actually impatient. Nor did I really dislike sales. Nor did I necessarily not fit in.
What was actually happening was I was self-sabotaging my career by refusing to progress because of the challenge that came with growth. I’d blame it on the bosses (though some were more challenging than others) or the system or pay. But with my new perspective, I identified the culprit. Not me. Them. But actually... Not them. Me.
And when it came to sales, it’s not that I didn’t like it, it’s that I just didn’t believe in the product or service I was selling. I’d blame it on the price or no one wants it or the bosses. Not me. Them. But actually... Not them. Me.
My confidence would come and go. And when it “went” that was a tough hill to climb back up.
What I discovered, or better said remembered, in that coaching session was when I was about nine years old, I had someone influential and an authority over me asked me point blank “are you stupid?” (Not a parent or family member, just to be clear) And from that moment on, any challenge that came my way that was beginning to get out of my comfort zone, I simply gave up.
The reason (meaning my thought process) for this was... if it was challenging, I didn’t know how to do it. And I couldn’t ask because that was admitting I didn’t know how to do it and if I didn’t know how to do it I must be…(you guessed it)...stupid. And I didn’t want to deal with that.
And for the next 30+ years, I did not play to my potential nor did I try as hard as I could have. It is a shocking thing to realize. However, once realized, my coach spent about three minutes on it. It culminated in her asking me this “ARE you stupid?” I said “No” she said “No. You’re not. Moving on…” And that was the end of that.
In the past 2 years, I have made more progress in my life as a whole than those 30 years. It’s not to say that I don’t value those years and didn’t learn from them. But the rut I was in has become a thing of the past. Without my coach to guide me in reframing my thinking, that rut MIGHT have lasted the rest of my life. With a small question and the wisdom to discard that mental poison on the spot she showed me the way to a new confidence and a new outlook toward the future.
Since the discovery, I have become a coach, become licensed to sell life insurance, started and operate a networking group, written a networking 101 course, started writing articles (some by request) for LinkedIn and others, posted more videos and remained active on social media, left a job that was allowing to choke the life out of me, walked into a manager spot then helped to promote a manager to replace me at another job, found the love of my life (and moved to Ohio for her and US!), trained to be a federal contract security officer and poured my story out onto another LinkedIn article so others might understand what is possible to do once they’ve dug deep to really understand themselves.
BUT MAINLY, IT HAS TO BE UNDERSTOOD THAT YOU DID NOT, NOR I, PUT THOSE SELF-LIMITING THOUGHTS IN OUR HEADS. SOMEONE ELSE, UNINTENTIONALLY OR NOT, DID THAT. YOU ARE MORE THAN THEY SAY YOU ARE. WE DID NOT PUT THEM THERE BUT IT IS NOW OUR CHOICE TO LEAVE THEM THERE. IT IS OUR CHOICE IF WE WANT TO ALLOW SOME OFF THE CUFF COMMENT BY SOMEONE ELSE TO DICTATE THE REST OF OUR LIVES. I HAVE LET GO OF IT. SO CAN YOU! AND WE CAN ALL SUCCEED TOGETHER!
Like I said, I’ve had an easy life. And who knows where it could’ve gone without that experience. However, I do feel like I’m exactly where I should be and much more appreciative of the work that’s been done recently. And maybe I never meet Gina...can’t imagine that.
THAT is why I became a coach.
If you have a similar story or think maybe you are not living to your full potential, I would love to support you in whatever way I can. Please reach out.
Read Time: 4:00
Well, that’s not at all what I expected for my first “third” of 2020! How about you? Sheesh! However, the opportunities that COULD have been may far exceed the perils of COVID 19. Now, I realize the tragedies that occurred during this time, as a close friend of mine lost his father. That doesn’t go overlooked. My love and support goes to him and his family, along with all the other families that lost someone during this time.
But what I do want to identify is how we have been spending our time during the quarantine. Did we all just move from our beds to our couches for the day? Did we have kids to home-school or keep entertained? Did we pick a project that’s needed doing for the last 6 months? Did we explore a new hobby? Did work on our family relationships? Did we start a new side hustle? Did we look for a new job? Did we work on anything that would lead to self-improvement?
Where did the time go? And regardless of what we did, did we find actual value in it for ourselves? And, maybe more importantly, did others find actual value in our actions?
How many times have we said to ourselves “If only I had more time then I would…”? Many times the rest of that statement involves spending more time with our children (for those of you that have them) and/or family. Often also it’s exploring a side hustle or investigating a new hobby or reading a book or...etc, etc, and so forth.
And these last few (maybe more for some) weeks have offered that time. Now, I’m SURE I don’t know everyone’s situation and what could actually be done in our individual lives. But I did see an (probably once in a lifetime) opportunity to check some things off our lists.
This was potentially a time to “turn it on” for whatever our hearts desired. But did we? Did we recognize what was happening and take full advantage of it? Were we fully present with whatever our choice was? Or did we just try to fill time?
I listened to a clip of what I assume was a governmental address by New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. Regardless of our politics, his message was clear. While he talked about 4 minute conversations with his now grown children, he remembered the conversations as shallow. “Do you need anything?” and “How can I help?” and “When will I see you again?” were the “lines” that he spoke.
But during this quarantine, he talked about how he has noticed his kids now have complex lives with complex issues. He said he got to go deep into a meaningful conversation with what he now feels REALLY matters with his kids. Essentially, this quarantine has brought into view his own weaknesses around what he actually values.
Gov. Cuomo then went on to talk about how many cups of coffee with his mother he accepted only to call back and say he was too “busy” to make it. He stated these things wouldn’t happen again.
Now, who’s to say any of us will keep to what we said during this time. But, the part that I like is that it has now been put in front of us, like it or not, what we have been taking for granted or what we saw as important may not really be all that important.
Sure, employment definitely means keeping food on the table and roofs over our heads and certainly needs to be taken seriously. But have we learned to live to work instead of work to live? I wrestle with this myself so I’m passing no judgement here.
This article was all really just food for thought. It’s been something I’ve thought about since the quarantine started. It occurred to me mainly because it’s not something I have taken full advantage of.
However, the more I think about it, the more aware I become of what I have and have not done. Which then, sort of, allows me to say to myself that maybe the things I’ve said I want to do or I’ve said are important and said “If only I had more time…”, maybe I really don’t or they aren’t or I’ve had all the time I need.
Maybe this time has allowed us to scrub our list. What do we really need or want to spend time and effort on? My hope for you is that you found it or you were able to start to separate what’s what. It takes a very honest conversation with yourself, which is sometimes VERY hard to do. My hope is also that you will have that conversation.
After reading this article back to myself, it feels a little somber. But rest assured...it is meant to be reflective and hopefully action inducing! And, if you’ve not gotten to what you thought you should or wanted to, there is STILL time. Not only under quarantine but AFTER it lifts.
There will be time to spend on the things we REEEEEALLY want to make time for! We can do it all! We have to find what we value and what others value. If we are in the value delivery business, we not only give to those others, we give to ourselves as well.
Hopefully, I’ve broken into the value delivery service with you!
I thank you so much for your time and attention!!
If you would like to share story or think maybe you are not living to your full potential, I would love to support you in whatever way I can. Please reach out.
I would also love it if you left a comment!