So often I get asked, better said, told by my colleagues and people I meet that they don’t know what to say when networking. What they are assuming, sometimes mistakenly, is that people want to hear what they have to say. Now that sounds somewhat callous to identify but when we network, more times than not, we like to talk about what we know. And often, we know ourselves best. So we end up wanting to talk about ourselves (Ask an introvert and they’ll tell you that’s wrong. LOL) but overall many people fall into talking about themselves.
At some point, you will want to do that because that’s why you are networking. You want to get to know someone and want them to get to know you. However, you want to start off any networking conversation asking about them. Meaning, you don’t walk up to someone and start giving them your life story or even how your day went. You’re going to ask them... about them. And this is where I start to get the self-doubt statements and questions. “Craig, I’m not even sure what to ask somebody.” Or “Craig, I’m not sure what to say.” Or “I don’t even know what I’m doing here.” That list goes on and on. (I’ll get into some of the deeper issues going on here with those statements later. For now we’re going to stick with the question).
In other posts, authors will often a wide, varying, long list of questions for networking. I can appreciate that, however, I am a strong believer in the idea of analysis paralysis. So to combat that I’m going to give you...one. As you read that question, if it’s not something you can see yourself saying, that’s fine. Take it and put a different spin on it or use different words with the same message or take some of the words or use my ideas as a catalyst for your own. It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s coming from you. And what I mean by that is that are you being genuinely interested in the person to whom you’re talking.
(Too often networkers get in their head that this is a professional relationship and I can’t ask personal questions. Bullshit. That’s where the relationships get built from. Don’t be afraid to actually get to know someone. They are not their job or their resume.)
My “go to” network building question? The ONE I keep in my back pocket?
“What has been the highlight of your day?” I asked this question for a number of reasons.
One of them is, if they’ve been in a bad mood and they’re coming into a networking event, I’m going to help them pull themselves out of that funk. By asking what the highlight was, it gives them a chance to reflect on their day and think about what did happen that was outstanding. It breaks a cycle of negative thinking. This allows them to have a totally different mindset for the remainder of that event or that coffee meeting or that one to one.
They get the chance to then be grateful. They may have forgotten that their kids were sick the day before and today they woke up healthy. They may have not hit the typical red lights on the way to work. They may have won a big contract at work but it got overrun by an overbearing boss. So many people will claim to have a bad day but, in actuality, it was just a bad five minutes they allowed to hijack the rest of the day. By asking what their highlight was allows them to take a minute and realize what good happen in their day.
(It’s not at “yes” or “no” answered, close-ended question. DO NOT START A CONVERSATION CLOSE-ENDED QUESTIONS.)
Finally, once they have identified their highlight, that makes them feel good. Then they associate that feeling with the person that “gave” them the feeling, and that puts a spotlight on... you! We want to be memorable when we’re networking. And putting that thought in someone’s head about you is a step in the right direction to building a great relationship!
Once the question has been asked, there are so many different ways to go with it from there. Again, this is going to open the door to getting to know someone personally, which is what you’re after. Please, for your sake and the sake of the person you’re meeting, don’t be robotic and don’t be “too professional“. If you’re at a networking event, so are they. LOL They are expecting to chat. And that’s what it is, chatting. It’s also the foundation of that new relationship. Who wants to start a relationship with someone who talks about having a shitty day at work. Break the cycle, get them grateful and make yourself look good during the process!
Thank you so much for your attention. What’s been the highlight of YOUR day?